Prologue: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/5799.html

Chapter One: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/6136.html

Chapter Two: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/6153.html

Chapter Three: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/6731.html
Chapter Four: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/7047.html

Chapter 5: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/7272.html

Chapter 6: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/7574.html

Chapter 7A: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/8052.html
Chapter 7B: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/8845.html
Chapter 8: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/9273.html
Chapter 9: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/9522.html
Chapter 10: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/9840.html
Chapter 11: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/10173.html
Chapter 12: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/10553.html
Chapter 13: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/11439.html
Chapter 14: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/11659.html
Chapter 15: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/11887.html

Old Chapters can be found HERE: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/9087.html

Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I've been a bad writer with a worse case of writer's block. Plus, life's just nuts sometimes.

This is for redscorner who seriously is a goddess and inspires me muchly... we must talk soon, lovely!

And without further ado...

Chapter 16

Buffy sat up with a groan, blinking in confusion at the fluorescent lighting around her before she heard a voice say gently, “Relax yourself- I hear it was quite a fight.”

“Where am I?” she asked blankly, turning her head to see what appeared to be a nurse.

“At New York State hospital,” the woman smiled kindly “The press is dying to see you but we’ve told them you’ll need to be kept for observation for at least another 24 hours-“

“The press?” Buffy asked blankly, trying without success to figure out what was going on, frustrated when the nurse just nodded, oblivious to her confusion. She looked around the room slowly, eyes resting on the TV perched on the wall. “Can I turn that on?” she asked after a moment, not waiting for an answer as the grabbed for the remote control. She sighed in frustration as an old cartoon show popped up before continuing to flip stations, paused as she hit upon a station broadcasting news and saw one of the men who she clearly remembered rendering unconscious in the battle talking to the channel five news team amid the wreckage they had wrought.

“So, obviously, we all think she’s gone crazy,” he was saying vehemently. “Like, totally whacked, trying to help demons and vampires. But then, when I saw that vamp turn into a human being, I’m telling you, it was like a sign from god that we were the wrong ones. I couldn’t believe it. Like, one second he’s all- well, vampy, and the next thing we know he’s breathing- and then there was the whole thing where Mr. Rayne lied to her about her kids- it just didn’t make any sense at all-“

Buffy frowned in confusion, flipping the station only to hear a news anchor say, “And in a shocking turn of events Ethan Rayne has been arrested for a host of crimes, including murder, arson, forgery, slander, libel, manslaughter, involuntary manslaughter, robbery, illegal and unwarranted use of witchcraft, discrimination against minorities-“

Buffy flipped the station again, head spinning, and dropped the remote control with a thud as she saw Angel, mobbed by reporters shoving their microphones in his face as he said uneasily, looking more uncomfortable than she had ever seen him, than she had in fact even realized was possible, “No, I REALLY have no comment. Excuse- please excuse me-“

“I don’t understand,” she said aloud as they continued to shout questions that he didn’t answer, using some words she couldn’t understand that she assumed must be Japanese… “What’s Shang shu? And- why is he showing up on camera?” she continued slowly.

“Oh!” The nurse chirped. “I forgot. They said you lost consciousness before it happened.”

“Before what happened?” Buffy asked slowly as the unfathomable image onscreen cut to a television studio.

“Before that vampire turned into a human being. I hear there was lightning and- OH GOD!” the nurse screamed as Buffy fell off the bed with a heavy thud.

--

Angel looked on from beneath the shade of a tree as Buffy stepped out in front of the city hall, both children in her arms, looking ready to topple over under their weight, and he marveled at how someone that strong could look so vulnerable- so beautiful.

He contemplated stepping out into the sun to be able to see her better, frustrated with himself for feeling uncomfortable doing so, as though the shadows were still his home even though he could step forward now if he wanted to- if he wasn’t so irrationally fearful that she would see him and-

He pulled back further as she glanced his way, seeming to look right through him and making him fear for a moment that she had seen him, and he held his breath as she squinted almost desperately before looking almost mournfully away. She closed her eyes for a moment, seeming to collect herself before stepping forward toward a makeshift podium to speak into the microphone.

“Um- hi,” she began uncertainly, blinking at the crowd in front of her. “I- uh, am really grateful for all of your support and for the fact that justice has been served here. I know that- we’ve all been afraid for a very long time, but- well, it looks like it’s over now, and I’m just- really grateful,” she repeated, hugging her children a bit closer before continuing with quiet vehemence. “The past few years have been pretty awful, but- everything that’s happened now- I’ve taken comfort in the fact that I know my husband would have been proud. My only regret is that he isn’t here to see it-“

And as he heard her mention Giles, something shifted slightly inside Angel, and without really hearing what else she might be saying he turned and began to walk away, thinking only that at least he could spare her the pain and confusion of trying to deal with him and his countless issues as she started her new life with her family. She would just be grateful that her children were alive and he couldn’t bring himself to make her worry about any other complications. And somehow he didn’t think he would survive watching her try to make herself feel things for him after all these years- seeing her eventual acknowledgement that the past few days had been little more than one giant mistake- seeing the look in her eyes as she realized that-

Angel spared one last look over his shoulder before he walked away into the sunlight.

--

Buffy looked down at her outfit nervously, pulling down self consciously on the black knee length skirt she was wearing and suddenly wishing vehemently that it was just one inch longer before knocking on the wooden, cheap looking motel door, crumpling the piece of scrap paper she’d written the address on in her hand and allowing it to flutter to the ground before pushing her sunglasses up half an inch higher on her nose, wishing suddenly that she could check her casually upswept hair and ‘natural’ looking makeup one more time before the door swung open to reveal a very shirtless Angel.

“Can I come in?” she inquired shortly, forcing herself to ignore her heart’s instinctual leap as he nodded mutely, stepping aside and yanking on a shirt as she kicked the door roughly closed behind her.

--

Angel looked at Buffy uncertainly as she took stock of the dimly lit room, pushing her sunglasses up so that they rested on her forehead as she walked in a slow circle, running her hand lightly over the wall, each movement so cool and controlled that it frightened him.

“Well,” she said finally after what seemed like hours but he realized couldn’t really have been more than a few seconds, “I have to give credit where it’s due- even with the whole pesky humanity thing you can still vanish better than anyone I know. Took me six days to even figure out if you’d headed north or south, and believe me, people were willing to help.”

“I didn’t leave until I was sure you and your children-“ he began but with one look at the withering glare on her face he cut himself off, gulping and looking down at the floor, trying to brace himself for whatever she might try to say, stunned when there was just a long, painful moment of silence followed by a biting, sarcastic,

“I can’t even tell you how touched I am that you cared.”

The room fell silent again, and Angel wondered if she were trying to give him time to say something, explain himself in some way- wondered if he should before deciding he didn’t even know where he would start, what he could ever say to make her understand-

“I mean,” she continued, voice breaking in what anyone else might have perceived as anger but he correctly identified as a sob, “It’s pretty selfish of me to want to see you at all, right? Selfish of me to have come here. You’re ready to start your new life, it’s totally understandable that you want to be as far away from the woman who scars everything she touches as possible, but honestly, Angel- would it have killed you to let me see you?”

“I-“ He began slowly, incredulously, swallowing with difficulty past the lump in his throat and for the first time hating his newfound humanity as it made him feel like his heart had stopped beating- “Didn’t think you would want to see me. If I-“ he swallowed again, hating that he needed to take a breath before he could finish, “If I was wrong about that, I apologize.”

“Yeah,” she said hollowly, shaking her head in disbelief. “You were always good at apologizing. Too bad you never quite mastered the skill of not ripping someone’s heart out to begin with.”

Angel looked at her in disbelief, feeling like someone had cut his own heart out before replying with difficulty, “I do want your forgiveness. For all of it. I know I don’t deserve it-“

“Oh whatever,” she said, in that same unfeeling, unnatural tone of voice. “Sure, okay? I forgive you, one hundred percent.”

“No,” he said slowly, taking a hesitant step toward her. “Really- I need to know that-“

“Why didn’t you love me?” she asked abruptly, not seeming to know or care that she was changing the topic, and his head snapped back in disbelief at the question.

“I don’t understand-“ he began slowly and she bit her lip slightly, showing uncertainty for the first time since entering as she took a few steps forward before shaking her head and meeting his eyes.

“I’m not asking why you don’t love me anymore- I don’t really want to know and it doesn’t matter. People fall out of love, whatever.” She smiled sardonically. “Well, not really whatever, but I can accept that. It’s life.” She gulped, eyes fluttering downward before she continued, “And I’m not asking why you didn’t tell me about the shanshu prophesy thing when you found out- we had been over for a while by then and I can understand that- you wouldn’t have wanted to commit your humanity to me,” she said with all appearance of calm even though he could almost hear her choking on the words. “I- understand why you don’t want to now,” she continued in a whisper, a single tear falling down her cheek and he fought the overwhelming urge to leap forward and crush her to him, tell her everything he’d been thinking and fearing and never let her go again-

“But-“ she whispered slowly, “Why didn’t you love me then? And why didn’t you just have the courage to tell me instead of making me believe- making me hope-“

“Buffy,” he said, voice heavy with emotion, “If you never believe anything else, believe that I loved you then more than I ever have or ever will love anything in my-“

“Please don’t lie now,” she said softly, voice slightly scratchy as she wrapped her arms around herself, swaying slightly to the side, looking younger and more uncertain than he would have dreamed possible, after all she’d gone through, after all this time- and then suddenly her eyes hardened, fists clenching as she began angrily, “All those things you said- ‘Oh Buffy, I need to protect you! Oh Buffy I need you to have a normal life! Oh Buffy, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy’” she mocked harshly, before narrowing her eyes and hissing dangerously, “Buffy my ASS!”

His head snapped up in shock at her uncharacteristically crass last statement and to his amazement she abruptly pulled back and punched him hard, letting out a small sob as he fell backward. “How dare you just take it?” she screamed after a drawn out, painfully silent moment, punching him again. “How dare you try to make me feel bad for saying this?”

“I know I deserve-“ he began firmly even as he felt blood start to pour from his lip, and she shook with barely suppressed rage, curling her fists at her sides in what he had to assume was a supreme effort not to hit him.

“Yes! Yes you do deserve it!” she said quietly, breath coming out in harsh pants before she continued, softer, slightly less harshly but with no less vehemence, “You sorry self serving bastard! All that time that I really thought-“ her voice broke again as she continued, emotionally “I actually believed- and really you only left because you were mad you couldn’t FUCK me!”

He flinched at the unbelievable unfairness of her words as he looked at her in consternation, wondering what the chances were that she had really lost her mind before he said firmly. “You know that is NOT true.”

“The HELL it’s not!” she bellowed as a tear fell down her face, closely followed by another as she continued to shake in a way that frightened him. “I know how it was! I was there! It took me a long time to understand because it wasn’t like that for me. I mean-“ she blushed, losing some of her momentum, and he would have smiled at the child-like expression on her face at another time.

In another world…

“I mean that- you know what I mean!” she snapped angrily, but he realized acutely that particular flash of anger was toward herself, not him. “Yeah, okay, the sex was mind numbing earth splitting oh my god oh my god,” she said with sarcastic offhandedness she did not feel, knew he knew she did not feel… “But… I wanted YOU. In a very real, very PATHETICALLY young way, I wanted YOU. And you can stand there and tell me you wanted me to have a normal life all you want, but if I believe you then I also have to admit to myself that you’re just-“ she stopped, looking around her, seeming unable to find words that would accurately express what she was feeling before finally snapping “a FUCKING IDIOT!” She stopped abruptly, smirking cruelly. “Which is worse, lover?” she purred. “To be in love with a total idiot or a selfish, self-serving bastard?”

“I don’t know,” he said weakly and for a second he thought she was going to punch him again but she didn’t, just pressed her lips together thoughtfully, lower lip trembling.

“Neither do I.”

She was silent and Angel took a deep breath, shocked when he realized he had actually needed it before venturing a single step toward her, surprised when she didn’t step away.

“I loved you that way too,” he said softly. “Whether you believe me or not, I loved you that way too, more than you could ever know.”

“No,” she shook her head, lower lip trembling. “If you did you wouldn’t have left me. We would have made it work, I know we could have and then-“ and he flinched at how unexpectedly young and vulnerable she looked again, suddenly.

“Life’s not like that, Buffy. Loving like that isn’t enough.”

”How do you know when you wouldn’t even try?” She said, a small sob escaping her as she sank to her knees, all that had happened in the past two weeks catching up to her in one moment as she began to cry in earnest.

“Do you want me to tell you I wanted you so badly that every time I saw you I thought I would die from it?” he asked abruptly, switching tactics as he dropped to the ground beside her. “Do you want me to tell you that no, I don’t think I would have made it another year- another month- without slamming you up against a wall and making you scream my name so loudly that-“ he stopped, gulping, and crouched down in front of her, meeting her eyes. “Do you want me to pretend I didn’t want your body? Fine. But don’t ever ask me to pretend that I could ever have wanted your body that much without wanting your heart more. And don’t ever pretend to me that you didn’t want a boyfriend who breathed and fucked and-“

“I didn’t, I swear I didn’t,” she cried out, sobbing openly now. “You’re so stupid, you’ve always been so stupid… do you think I didn’t want to die every time I saw you too? Kissing you was agony, because I wanted to do more and I couldn’t, do you think I don’t know? But I didn’t want to- with anyone else- I mean, I would have rather not at all, I swear I would have-“

“I know. But- Buffy. Say we had decided to just both be celibate for the rest of our lives. Do you honestly think that we could have been celibate… together?”

“YES!” she cried out. “YES!” and he was struck again by how young she still was, tried to fight what it was making him feel. “Besides, there are other things,” she said, flushing slightly before continuing, “Non-intercourse things that we could have tried- WHY DIDN’T WE TRY?” she moaned in agony. “I don’t understand. I mean, we did some of it a few weeks ago and- well, clearly better than fine- why couldn’t we have-“

“I couldn’t,” he cut her off slowly, definitely before continuing, reaching out a tentative hand to grab her hand and stunned when she grasped onto it instead of pulling away. “It was my weakness. Is that what you want me to say?” he asked in a defeated tone even as his fingers twined with hers. “That I’m weak and a coward? I am. I’ve always known it. Do you want me to say you’re stronger than me? I’ve always known that, too… but I also know you wanted a normal boyfriend. You told me it was all you’d ever dreamed of- going to sleep at night in the arms of your normal boyfriend- and-“

“I would never have said that,” she said dully, certainly, as she slowly pushed up off the floor and lett go of his hand.

“You did say it, when-“ he stopped abruptly, suddenly wanting to bang his head against something sharp. “Nevermind.”

“I would never have said that,” she repeated, with more conviction. “And I know I would never have said it, because it would never have been true.” She paused, seeming to genuinely contemplate. “Unless that normal boyfriend was you, but it’s not like…” she flushed. “I mean- sometimes, yes, I wanted normal, I know that… I still want it, god you don’t know how much, but if I had to choose between normal and you… Angel, I never, ever would have said that, because all I ever wanted, really, was you.”

“I wasn’t good enough,” he said flatly.

“Oh no,” she said, anger, building again. “No, NO, no!! You do NOT have the right to do the pity thing. You WERE good enough. Goddamn it, Angel! Even if you weren’t, I WAS THE ONE WHO GOT TO DECIDE THAT! Your… ISSUES,” she spit out in disgust, “should not have been MY problem, don’t you dare try to pretend that they were. I loved you! And you just… you just decided for me, and I didn’t…” she took a deep breath, then met his eyes. “Let’s get one thing straight. If someone had ever told me that I could have all the normal in the world, no more evil, no more vamps, no more anything at all…the only condition was I never would have met you…I would have spit in their eye.” He flinched.

“Then you’re a fool.”

And suddenly she laughed a, desperate, harsh sound that stopped as abruptly as it had begun. “I may be love’s bitch,” she said bitterly with a smirk that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “But at least I’m man enough to admit it.”

--

Again, sorry it’s been so long since my last update- consider this a New Year present/miracle thingy :) I know the chapter ends on a bit of an odd note, but more will be coming soon… and reviews are appreciated beyond belief and make my life complete! Thanks for reading :-D

Old chapters can be found HERE


Thanks to everyone for your positive feedback and support... I love you guys!

Chapter 15

Angel closed his eyes, expecting the arrow to fly through his heart at any second- and stunned when he suddenly heard someone else cry out in alarm. His eyes flashed open, and he disbelievingly saw one of the men who had entered the room with Buffy doubled over in pain, arrow protruding from his side.

For a long moment the room was still as everyone tried to determine what was going on, before Buffy chirped casually, ”Oh, I’m sorry. Did I forget to mention that I don’t kill innocent things?”

Angel flinched, hardly able to form a coherent thought as she tossed him the longbow she was holding, talking advantage of everyone’s continued uncertainty to elbow the two men next to her sharply, disarming them and tossing the crossbows they were carrying to the two vampires nearest to her. “Try not to kill them if you don’t have to- they’re human,” she shouted to the demons and vamps huddled in the room, and, though Angel still didn’t understand what was going on, they seemed to, springing into action with speed he would never have guessed that they still possessed. As the first punches were thrown and arrows flew past him he wondered what exactly Buffy was doing even as she somehow managed to render two men unconscious with a single punch. An arrow sharply grazed his shoulder, disrupting his musings, and he decided to save thinking for later as he launched into the fray with a growl, seeing Buffy throw swords to an unarmed demon before she was knocked down by a vicious punch. Without thinking Angel sent an arrow flying through the chest of the man who did it, pausing only to make sure Buffy had regained her footing before viciously lashing out at the man nearest to him.

--

Buffy groaned as she was kicked to the floor yet again before rolling out of the way and leaping up, unsurprised to find herself next to Angel in the midst of all the mayhem. For half a second she flashed back to a simpler time, a time when fighting next to him had seemed as natural as breathing and if you had dumped her in the middle of Times Square on New Years Eve she could have pinpointed his location, exactly, in less than sixty seconds-

“What are you playing at?” he growled, snapping her out of her thoughts and she bit back a comment about how ironic it was that he actually wanted to have a real conversation NOW of all times before snapping back,

“I’m sorry. There was no other way.”

“No other way for WHAT?” he demanded, deflecting a punch and sending a man flying against the nearest wall, and despite herself Buffy cringed as she heard bones cracking.

“Had a dream earlier,” she bit out shortly. “Didn’t really get it- it was crazy. I mean, what the hell could my mind possibly be telling me by making me hear the words ‘the flowers don’t make it real’, right?”

For the first time he allowed himself to entertain the possibility that she had honestly lost her mind, forced to admit, if only to himself, that he couldn’t very well blame her if she had, not after everything she’d gone through- and he cringed as he realized sharply, for the first time, how much of that must be due to himself and his unsuccessful efforts to protect her by leaving her. He contemplated why he had done it, suddenly doubting his wisdom in thinking he had known what was best for her- for him- even when every fiber of his being had been screaming at him to just grab onto her and never let her go-

“Buffy, what are you talking about?” he asked sharply, forcing himself to focus on reality and not long-forgotten dreams as she sent a man flying with a sharp roundhouse kick before grabbing the crossbow he dropped and slamming it over another man’s head, rendering him unconscious.

“Okay,” she started babbling quickly as she deftly dodged a kick, and even as he tried to focus on her words he was fascinated by the casual grace with which she fought, her unflinching agility- “Do you remember what I was saying about the prophesy earlier?”

Angel blinked in confusion, trying to recall what she was talking about, finding it harder than it should have been amidst all the confusion- “The one about Giles,” he said abruptly, glad to remember even as he had to deal with the realization that she was only doing this for her dead husband- that her only motivation was-

Focus, damnit, he berated himself before continuing, “You were supposed to marry Giles so that-“

“No,” she said, and her voice sounded odd to him, brimming with emotion and yet- at the same time, eerily calm, totally detached. “Not about Giles. About you and me.”

Angel was totally stunned for a moment, and the man nearest to him took advantage of his momentary distraction to send him slamming toward the floor. Despite himself, Angel felt as though he couldn’t move if his life depended on it, grateful as Buffy sprang into action, slamming a piece of debris over the man’s head before shooting Angel a dangerous, warning look as he scrambled to his feet.

“I didn’t get it at first, either,” she continued, still in that same unnatural tone before she snorted sarcastically. “Meaning for about four years, but when it hit me earlier, I couldn’t believe how obvious it was.”

“Buffy, PLEASE,” Angel implored, hating the pleading note his voice had taken on even as he continued to fight. “What are you saying?”

She met his eyes briefly before taking a shaky breath, seeming to steel herself before saying slowly, “I dated some guy my senior year of high school for a little while.” She paused and grunted, dodging a punch before she added, “I don’t remember his name.”

“Scott,” Angel supplied softly, stunned that she would actually forget something that had caused him so many hours of silent agony years ago as he recalled days spent torturing himself as he wondered what she and Scott were doing- if she loved him- if she kissed him like- He shook his head, trying to clear it, and couldn’t help but smile at the irony of it all- that in the end, ten years later, she couldn’t even remember the name of the boy he had once worried owned her heart-

Buffy shoot him a small smile, looking surprised. “Scott,” she nodded slowly. “Nice enough guy. Bought me a claddagh ring. I freaked out. Obvious reasons,” she added brusquely as her fist solidly connected with a man’s jaw. “Talked to Willow about it at the time, and she looked the rings up online so she could see what they looked like. And she found out they used to be wedding rings.” Buffy shrugged. “Wasn’t really interested. I sort of filed it away into the ‘things I just can’t think about because they cause me too much agony category’ and forgot about it.”

“Buffy, the POINT!” Angel exclaimed in frustration as he was knocked to the floor by two unnaturally strong men and she looked at him in concern before blurting quickly,

“The prophesy wasn’t very specific about a lot of things. I had to get married, I had to be younger than twenty-five, we had to fight in a final battle together, and he had to defy death.” She smirked wryly. “I’d say death has been defied-“

“Buffy, we weren’t-“ he began, but she cut him off sharply, almost frantically.

“In my dream- I think Willow was trying to tell me it’s about the INTENT. The ceremony with Rupert wasn’t what made our marriage real. It’s the intent. Angel- you and I pledged ourselves to one another and we consummated the bond. I think we were married.” She flushed before continuing, even faster, “Anyway, I think according to the prophesy we were. I think it’s about us,” she blurted. “And so there needed to be a final battle and we both needed to be in it and I brought it to you.”

Angel stared at her in silence, stunned to realize that, despite hoe often he chose not to speak, this was one of the first times in his unlife that he had absolutely no idea what to say. He settled for looking at her as though she were crazy for a long moment before inquiring,

“What about the part where the person you married needed to be human?”

“Haven’t quite figured that one out yet,” she admitted gingerly as she dived to the floor to avoid an arrow.

“If you’re wrong?” he demanded shortly.

There was an excruciating pause before she responded emotionlessly, “I guess we die.”

“So now what?” he demanded sharply, angered when she shrugged, looking ambivalent.

“Well, either I’m right,” she grunted as she jumped over a lifeless body, “In which case no worries, we can’t lose- oh!” she cried as a man sent her sprawling to the floor and she rolled out of the way before chirping sarcastically, “Or I’m wrong, in which case, look on the bright side- it will be over soon!”

--

Over an hour later Buffy was beginning to rue her words as the battle showed no sign of easing. She let out a sharp cry of pain as she was thrown against the wall before springing back with difficulty, energy suddenly renewed as she caught sight of Ethan. He locked eyes with her as she rushed toward him and then started to chant softly in Latin, and Angel cringed as he surveyed the scene, wondering what Ethan could possibly be planning now. His alarm heightened, however, as Buffy’s eyes suddenly flashed yellow and she began chanting in Latin herself.

“Buffy!” he screamed, fearing she was possessed, jumping toward her and tackling her to the ground, confused when her eyes became hazel again and she looked at him in annoyance.

“What are you doing?” she demanded.

“He was making you-“ Angel began, looking over to Ethan, confused to see the older man seemed breathless.

“He wasn’t making me,” Buffy said, looking at him like he’d lost his mind. “I was counteracting his spell.”

Angel looked at her incredulously. “You can’t do magic. You told me earlier you can only do level two spells-“

She shot him a withering glance that spoke louder than any words possibly could before quipping, “Yeah, about that. I lied.” She looked briefly sympathetic before shoving him off of her, rolling to her feet. “Sorry. If it makes you feel any better not even Rupert knew- I couldn’t let anyone think I was a bigger threat than I already was- it would have been-“

Her gaze grew panicked as she realized Ethan was chanting once more and she locked eyes with Angel, her own eyes clearly conveying her fear before her face suddenly cleared. “Complimenting each other perfectly,” she murmured gaze far away before focusing on him. “Do you know anything about spells?” she inquired abruptly, and he could only shake his head.

“This’ll be interesting,” she muttered sarcastically before making a visible effort to pull herself together despite the near-panic permeating the room. She took a deep breath, fighting for inner calm as she pulled Angel into a corner out of Ethan’s sight before saying rapidly, “Okay. The ten second crash course. Spells aren’t really about the words- they’re about energy and intent.” Her eyes flashed upward to meet his and he almost shivered at the intensity contained within them as she continued, “It’s hard because you need to pick the right one and-“ she paused before flushing slightly, “I’m sorry, I  really don’t have time to explain it all right now-“

He looked at her, ten million questions in his head, at least as many doubts, but in the midst of it all, he felt quiet and complete certainty about one thing- despite all of it, the madness and the hurt and the pain, he still trusted her more than he trusted himself. “It’s okay,” he said quietly, meeting her eyes. “You don’t have to explain. Just tell me what to do.”

She looked at him for a long moment, gratitude clear in her eyes before grabbing his hand and slowly twining her fingers through it. Despite himself Angel marveled at the fact that a moment that was one of the most stressful of his life could somehow also become one of the most sensual as a shiver went through him and he felt their power meshing incredibly before Buffy whispered, “Just clear your mind and try to direct your energy toward whatever it is you know to be true.”

And as Buffy closed her eyes and began to chant in Latin once more Angel fought to center himself and do as she requested, relieved that the demons around him seemed to be unquestioningly dedicated to protecting him and Buffy as they just stood there, defenseless- and he mentally berated himself for thinking of that at all as he tried to do what she requested, alarmed as he realized there wasn’t much he believed to be true anymore- much less knew to be-

And then suddenly, unbidden, her face was in front of him, not as it was now, but as it had been right after her eighteenth birthday, and he could see the scene in his mind as though he were living it again- fireplace burning brightly, light reflecting off her face and giving it a glow that made him want more than anything to kiss her as she gazed at him, face alert but content as she arched an eyebrow in invitation before pouting slightly at his evident refusal to take her up on it god she was SO young- and then, suddenly, something in her expression shifted slightly and she tilted her head, looking at him as though she could see right through him, absolutely, and in that moment he knew that no words would ever be necessary between them, not really, as she smiled lightly and her eyes met his, unquestioning, loving, accepting- and he knew, with certainty, that this moment between them, so brief and yet full of exquisite understanding, was true.

Angel gasped as a white light suddenly flashed around he and Buffy and he found himself back in the present, the room around him shaking.

”Whatever you did,” Buffy said breathlessly, “Nice,” and despite himself he felt his gut twist as he looked at her, so similar and yet so different from the girl who had once comprised his truth-

“What’s going on?” he questioned, pushing thoughts that he feared would only hurt him out of his mind, and she looked around her at Ethan’s men, who were rapidly falling at the hands of demons and vampires before saying,

“I did a spell to counteract any glamours that are in the room-“

He blinked at her in confusion. “Glamours?”

“Illusions,” she clarified, sighing when he continued to look confused. “Those men were freakishly strong,” she elaborated as though it were obvious, tossing her head slightly. “I figured Ethan had probably cast some spell to give them strength-“

As Angel looked around at the battle which their side was now obviously winning, he felt new admiration for her as he said, “You know, you jump to conclusions more than anyone I’ve ever known- but strangely, you’re usually right.”

She smirked caustically. “Yeah, whatever,” she retorted bitterly before whipping her head around as she saw Ethan trying to flee the room out of the corner of her eye. “Gimmie a minute,” she said, fierce determination suddenly naked on her face. “I have some ass to kick.”

--

Ethan cringed as Buffy flew through the air to land in a crouching position in front of him, effectively blocking his exit. “You want out?” she asked breathlessly. “Over my dead body.” She smiled sardonically. “Take that one as literally as you want.”

--

Angel stumbled slightly as saw the last of the humans in the room rendered unconscious by a particularly vicious punch, trying not to think about the fact that he was feeling weaker by the second for reasons he couldn’t understand. He looked toward Buffy, who seemed to be working out her issues on a vastly outclassed Ethan Rayne. Angel tried to take a step toward her and almost fell over, grabbing onto a chair that had remained intact during the fight to try to regain his balance, and was confused when, despite his best efforts, he fell to his knees.

“And this is for my children!” he heard Buffy scream as though from very far away as she plunged a sword through Ethan’s stomach before kicking him to the floor with a sob, collapsing forward and being caught by a chaos demon as Angel let out a sharp cry of pain, feeling as though the world was exploding around him before everything went black.

--

Feedback is treasured more than you realize. Thanks for reading :)

Sorry for the long delay. Writers block met a heavy work schedule and led to general unproductively. Sadly, not much of B&A together in this chapter, but! At long last! Some answers :-) I promise next time will have much Bangel frolicking through the fields joyfully action (or, you know, general angst, but who’s keeping track?)

Angel gasped in surprise as someone tapped him on the shoulder out of nowhere as he tried to unobtrusively hover in the corner of a run down bar he had stopped in on his way to- somewhere that was not with Buffy. He instantly knew that the creature, beautiful as she was, could not be human, and he jumped away warily, wondering how to assume a defensive stance without attracting attention even as she smiled at him, holding up her hand.

He was confused for a long moment before realizing she was sporting a gold band exactly identical to the one Buffy had frantically insisted he put on brief hours before, and he eyed her warily before asking shortly, “Who are you?”

“Questions later,” she hissed,  rather roughly taking his hand and pushing him through a back door he had not seen, and as they entered an empty room Angel looked around in confusion before she kicked a carpet out of the way and, opening a hatch, jumping down.

Out of options, Angel followed.

--

Buffy allowed herself to be roughly shoved into an unfurnished room, falling to the floor without so much as a whimper and pulling her knees up to her chest, not even looking at what was going on around her

“I trust some time alone to clear you head may provide some clarity,” Ethan said with a knowing look before exiting the room.

Too proud to make a sound, Buffy allowed silent tears to run down her face. I have noting. No husband. No children. No friends. No Angel. In that second she wanted to curl up and die, feeling painful defeat in a way she hadn’t since she was seventeen years old and had realized-

And suddenly she heard his voice, unbidden, in her head.

“Take all that away and what’s left?”

Her chin jerked up sharply in epiphany as she whispered aloud, “Me.”

--

Angel looked around him carefully, scrutinizing the situation as best he was led into a well lit underground room. He looked around him in alarm at the massive number of vampires and demons, for the first time fearing it was a trap, trying to make sense of what was going on even as he noted that they were all wearing the same bizarre ring Buffy had so carelessly thrown at him earlier.

“Who are you?” one asked warily, breaking the terrible silence, and before he could even open his mouth to answer, a small voice to his right supplied,

“Angelus,” with a short sigh and he whirled to look at her in disbelief, trying to remember the name of Darla’s sire, who he had only met once before in a rather violent clash before saying briefly,

“Katharine?”

“I don’t know how you could stand it,” she said darkly, coming toward him with a small frown. “Having a soul all that time. It’s only been a few years for me, and already I feel like I want to die-“

“Is Drusilla here?” he asked in confusion, remembering his childe’s liking of the vampire, despite Darla’s warnings, surprised when she laughed shortly.

“They killed Dru months ago. Mrs. Giles took it hard-“

“Wait-“ he began, blinking in confusion as he looked around him, trying to process the vampire was saying as he looked around in continued confusion. “You know Buffy? And- you have souls?”

Katharine looked at him in genuine confusion. “Didn’t she tell you? You must have been with her, how else how would you have gotten the ring of preservation?

Angel felt more confused by the second before heavily sitting down on a chair.

“Explain,” he said shortly, trying to make sense of it all as at least four demons started speaking at once.

--

Buffy leapt to her feet as Ethan reentered the room.

“Gutsy of you to come alone,” she observed coolly and he shot her a knowing smile.

“I see you’ve come to your senses somewhat,” he said in a satisfied tone. “Good.”

“I’d like a change of clothing,” she said dully, surprised when he smirked.

“And what are you offering me in return?”

She met his eye. “I know where the last of the resistance is hiding. I can take you to them.”

He looked at her, eyes suspicious but alive with interest. “And what do you want in return?”

She met his gaze coolly. “To be left the FUCK alone for the rest of my life, however long that may be. No more calling on me as the slayer, no more snippy social calls where you throw my husbands death in my face, no more accusations.” Her voice shook slightly as she continued, “And you will never touch anyone I love again. You’ll leave my friends alone, you’ll leave whatever family I manage to make alone, you’ll leave my pet GOLDFISH alone. Are we clear?”

He nodded slowly. “If you stay out of my way I promise to stay out of yours.”

She laughed bitterly. “Oh, and your word is good? No way. I want it in writing. I want it in PUBLIC. I want you to announce to the world that you no longer consider me a traitor and that you’re letting me retire in peace.”

He nodded once more, shooting her a smile that did not fully conceal his admiration. “Give me an hour to call a press conference.”

She shot him a hard look. “Get me my change in clothing. And nothing cheap or trashy. I want to look good.”

He nodded. “It’s done.”

--

Angel nodded understanding as the vampires around him conveyed all that he had already been told, blissfully in chronological order- the Apocalypse in LA had been a disaster. Buffy had rushed down there to do damage control and barely escaped with her life, her fellow slayers not having been so lucky. Ethan Rayne had showed up at the last possible moment, emerging a hero and, in the face of enormous press coverage had had seized on the panic to take over, aided by a reluctant Buffy and Giles.

The three of them had embarked on a campaign to ‘clean up’ what remained of evil in the world, overlooking one tiny detail-

“There wasn’t evil left in the world,” Katharine finished shortly. “Whatever happened when the Circle of the Black Thorn was defeated was major- we were all ensouled, demons lost the desire to kill-“

“And the people who took over didn’t care,” Angel said flatly, beginning to piece it all together, surprised when a demon interrupted,

“Oh, Mrs. Giles cared. So did her husband. Very much. It just took them a while to figure it out, since it didn’t occur to any of us to try to reason with the slayer as she murdered one by one-“

“And it didn’t occur to them that you weren’t inflicting harm on humans anymore?” Angel questioned and was met with tired shrugs.

“They didn’t know. And Rayne certainly didn’t care- he just wanted to look like he was doing the community a service by ordering our extermination; he didn’t give a second thought to the reality.”

“How did Giles- er, Mr. Giles,” Angel began awkwardly, “figure out that-“

“Didn’t. It was his wife. No one was ever really clear on the details, but she found- actually,” Katharine smiled slightly, it was Drusilla.” He just nodded wordlessly as she continued, “Dru didn’t know well enough not to beg for her help and for whatever reason Mrs. Giles believed her enough to do some investigating. It was her husband who figured out what had actually transpired, but she was the one to get the ball rolling-”

Angel swallowed hard. “What happened then?”

“They thought Rayne didn’t know what was going on and tried to tell him. It didn’t take long for them to figure out he didn’t care- and then they discovered that he had been the one causing all the violence that had happened in the world since the apocalypse. Of course, he had blamed it on demons-”

Angel blinked, trying to wrap his mind around what sounded totally irrational yet must be true.

“They decided to go along with what he was doing outwardly but set up massive underground networks to help us all- even kept a lot of us in their house at one point.” Katharine’s brow furrowed. “Not really sure exactly what their ultimate plan was- you’ll need to get that from her sometime- but they helped us any way they could. Not at all prejudiced people- both of them always looked for the commonality in all creatures- though it was very hard for her, I think, to really realize the cruelty that can lie in regular people-“

Angel knew he should be asking relevant, pertinent questions about this evil and future plans, but found that the only thing he really wanted to know was ridiculously insignificant and petty, and he blurted, unable to stop himself, “What were they like together?”

The demons and vamps surrounding him all looked confused. “Who?” one finally inquired.

“Buffy and- I mean, Mr. and Mrs. Giles,” Angel amended, feeling almost insane linking their names together in that way even as he knew it was the only way that any of these beings had ever known them- that it must seem natural to them.

One shrugged. “Affectionate. He didn’t smile very much except for when she was around, but she teased him pretty relentlessly.” A small smile. “He liked it.”

“I guess,” another ventured, “They seemed very in tune with each other- very much the same in essentials-“

“Essentials?” Angel questioned a bit sharply, locking eyes with Katharine, who clarified,

“Selfless,” meeting his eyes. “It was clear there was a lot of love and a lot of history there.” She smiled slightly, analyzing his face closely before adding, “I’m not as sure about passion.” Her small smirk faded as she added somberly, “She was very much changed after he was captured-“

“You can say that again,” a voice quipped suddenly from the doorway and Angel looked up in surprise to see Buffy wielding a longbow, pointing it directly at his heart. “Turns out you were right all along,” she said, addressing Angel slowly, “All I’ve got is me. And it’s time for a little bit of selfish, don’t you think? At least that way maybe my children won’t be killed next time-“

“Buffy, what are you-“ he began slowly before at least fifty men pushed into the small room behind her, all similarly armed.

“Bringing the fight,” she said with a defiant lift of her eyebrow before sending the arrow flying.

--

Feedback keeps me writing and is treasured more than you can realize :-) THANKS for reading!

Chapter 13

Buffy surveyed the situation, blinking rapidly as Ethan entered the room flanked by what appeared to be at least 20 strong men.

“GOD!” she blurted in frustration. “Seriously, why do you hate me? I mean, being the chosen one wasn’t enough? Why do I never ONCE get the opportunity to have anyone believe for, I don’t know, twenty seconds that I mean one of my threats?”

“You don’t have to fight us,” Ethan told her, voice sincere. “Just join us. You can reunite with your children. You can move back home. Just give us Angel.”

As Angel watched the emotions play across Buffy’s face at the mention of her children, he was glad he didn’t have a heart because he was sure it would have broken.

“Tempting,” she said softly after a long moment, “But I’m going to have to go with a ‘not on your life’”

And with that she launched herself toward the nearest man.

--

Angel cringed as he saw Buffy hurled into a nightstand, the wood splintering under her weight and its contents spilling out all around her. He was flabbergasted as, moments later, she threw a ring toward him from the wreckage. He caught it reflexively, not even sure why as she shouted “Put it on!”

He did so without question, half expecting to be infused with a sudden burst of strength or some power, surprised when he felt nothing but the cold metal against his skin.

“Now get out of here!” he heard her scream from somewhere behind him, evidently having managed to get to her feet, and he grunted as one of the men made solid contact with his jaw.

“In case you haven’t noticed, the odds aren’t exactly in our favor NOW,” he bit out, flooring the man with an angry roar. “If you think I’m leaving you here ALONE to-“

“Oh get over yourself,” she snapped cruelly. “All you do is distract me anyway! Now get OUT of here!”

“I am not-“ he began before being thrown to the floor by an onslaught of three men.

“I swear to you,” he heard her cry before she let out her own cry of pain before continuing; “I won’t let him take me alive.”

“I’m not sure that’s comforting,” Angel snapped, lashing out viciously and somehow managing to get to his feet once more.

“Okay, and I swear I won’t die,” she quipped before hissing as a man kicked her hard in the gut. “PLEASE,” she continued, and something in her voice gave him pause as she near-whispered, “We’re less vulnerable right now alone.”

And as Angel took a real look at the scene around him, objectively, he was forced to admit that she might be right. She would be less vulnerable without him to worry about…

“Make sure I don’t need to come rescue you,” he growled before diving out the nearest window.

--

The second Buffy was certain Angel was far enough away that not even his unnaturally sensitive ears would hear her she threw up her hands in defeat, saying loudly, “I surrender!”

Ethan almost choked in disbelief. “You- surrender?”

“That’s right,” she nodded calmly. “Do whatever you want with me, it doesn’t matter now. Just please- don’t hurt my children.”

Ethan smiled sympathetically, holding up a hand and gesturing for his men to drop their weapons as he said gently, “Poor child. I suppose I should tell you the truth: Your children are dead.”

--

Hey all! Believe it or not, I think the story is nearing its conclusion… a few more chapters and it should be wrapped up :)  Sorry this one is so short, life has been slightly frantic…

And please! Leave feedback! It inspires me to continue and means more than you know :)

Old chapters here: http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/9087.html

Chapter 11

Angel blinked rapidly, his face a mixture of shock and… disbelief, Buffy decided, and she couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped as she fought not to roll her eyes.

“I never got it,” she said as his face grew questioning and he arched an eyebrow in unspoken inquiry as she offered an amused smile, beckoning with her head as she turned to walk out of the room for the third time, relieved to hear him following her.

“Never got what?” he inquired as she walked over to a winding stairway that looked on the verge of collapse, ignoring his question as she tested her weight on it, taking a deep breath as she started up, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like ‘always said we should have just let them install the elevator but nooooo, that would have drawn too much attention,” as the stairwell miraculously allowed them to ascend without any major mishap and she turned into a room so utterly and effortlessly tasteful that Angel knew instantly that Rupert must have decorated it. Buffy froze, eyes taking on that half-glazed look he had long ago learned meant she was lost in a memory, and he took advantage of the opportunity to look at the room closely, cringing as he noted a hole that had been punched through a cream colored wall, a Renoir painting that had been smashed into the hardwood floor-

“They wouldn’t just believe me when I told them that there was no entrance into the secret passageways in this room,” she said softly, seeming to read his thoughts as she sat down on the bed and bounced up and down playfully, an action that confused him for a moment until he saw a portion of the wall swing outward and allowed his jaw to drop in surprise as she shrugged, quipping lightly, “Ingenious, huh?” as she stepped into the dark hallway beyond the wall. He continued to survey the room this was their bedroom until he noticed her holding out a hand and beckoning for him to follow, grim smile on her lips as he stepped toward her and the wall swung closed one more.

---

Angel followed Buffy down a long, dark hallway, surprised when she stopped suddenly and uttered an incantation, causing a door to appear from nowhere “You know how to undo concealment spells?” he blurted in surprise as she opened the door and stepped inside, quickly following her before the door disappeared again.

She shot him a funny look, turning on the light. “Shouldn’t I? It’s only a level two spell.”

“Level-“ he began, then was silent as he surveyed the scene before him- two long rows of neatly made cots, small bedside tables next to each one. “Was this a hospital?” he questioned, abandoning his first line of questioning as his brow furrowed and he tried to make sense of it.

“No.” she whispered. “This is where Giles and I kept them.”

Angel blinked in confusion, then decided to just embrace his frustration, near growling, ‘Kept WHO?”

She took a deep breath, then sat down on the cot nearest to her, crossing her legs under her and twirling a stand of hair around her finger absently, which only served to annoy him more as he was forced to admit, if only to himself, that he hated that she had picked up a new nervous  habit since he had last seen her, hated that she had done anything of any consequence at all that he didn’t know about, hated Rupert for having gotten to see so much that he had not-

“Okay, the short version,” her voice sliced through his thoughts as she adopted what he instantly remembered as her no nonsense voice I remember too damn much. “You died in that battle thingy. Chaos and disaster, blah blah blah, slayers come, slayers see, slayers-“

“Conquer?” he finished with a small smile and her eyes snapped up to meet his as she deadpanned bleakly,

“Die. I was going to say slayers die.”

“How many?”

“Well,” she said in a small voice, “I know you only just came back to life and everything, but I’m sure you’ve managed to deduce that I’m the only one left.”

His jaw dropped and he sat heavily on the cot across from her. “How did-“ they all die “you survive?”

She gave a wry smile. “Ironically enough, Ethan.” The smile faded. “If I’d known it would come to this I would have just-“ she sighed heavily. “But that was a long time ago now-“

“What happened?”

“Nothing good,” she replied evenly. “He swept in and saved the day, right before the last stand. Bought a lot of Halicout witches with him-“

“Wait-“ Angel said, brow furrowing. “Halicout- as in the Fairie Isle? I thought that was a myth.”

She shrugged. “Guess not. Anyway, once they got here I barely needed to fight. A few words and it was done. That was also when I started to pick up some of the magic… turns out there are five… the fairies called them ‘cases’ of spells, and anyone can manage the first two- it’s when you get up to the third level that you start to run into issues with people not having enough power-“

“How far can you go?” he asked curiously and she shrugged.

“The truth? Magic is not so much a Buffy skill. I barely nailed the level two spells down, and that was only after Willow died and Rupert started freaking out about how I needed to learn everything I could to protect myself-“

“Was that before or after your marriage?”

“After. Right before I got pregnant.”

He felt his heart constrict uncomfortably again don’t be ridiculous, you have no heart at the words and forced himself to be patient, waiting for her to go on.

“It was good for a while,” she said carefully, twirling the strand of hair around her finger again-

“When did you start doing that?” he blurted before he realized what he was doing and she blinked at him as though he were crazy, looking at him strangely before asking incredulously,

“Getting pregnant? I date it to the time I started to sleep with mortals-“

“No- Twirling your hair like that,” he clarified, for once glad he didn’t have any circulation as it prevented him from blushing as her expression cleared slightly before becoming even more confused.

“Didn’t I always?”

“No,” he replied hoarsely. “You didn’t.”

“I’m- sorry,” she responded carefully, looking at him apologetically. “I don’t know.”

--

Buffy struggled against the very definite impulse to scream as her ex-lover looked at her with virtually no expression on his face- polite interest, that’s the word for it as she finished her very short explanation about the non-origin of her nervous habit. Deciding there was nothing to do but keep talking and pretending his utter lack of emotion where she was concerned didn’t bother her I mean, great news, he’s more  interested in my hair than what I’ve been up to for the past five years-

“Anyway,” she stated. “Long story short- the battle in LA was big. Humans found out about demons. They panicked. Ethan took advantage. Rupert and I were stupid and helped him. We got married, Ethan took over the government-“

And she felt vague triumph as some interest did flash in his eyes then and he asked doubtfully, “You’re telling me Ethan is in chare of America’s-“

“There is no America now,” she said dully. “There’s the International Association of Mortals against the supernatural and there’s everyone else.”

“And you and Rupert were everyone else,” he deduced softly and she felt a small pang as she remembered suddenly how intelligent he’d been, too- when she was younger she had always been drawn to his strength, but what had hurt her most after his death was the slow realization that if he had lived they would have come to appreciate one another as equals, even if that only could have been as friends and even if it would have been hard-

“Buffy?” he asked uncertainly, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “Do you know- do you believe in aequabilis?”

His brow furrowed in confusion. “Equals?”

“No. I mean, yes, but not in the modern sense. In the ancient sense. A true meeting of the-“

“I understood what you meant,” he interrupted her. “The fact that you were using Latin was a little bit of a giveaway.”

“Oh,” she said, looking slightly abashed. “Right. Silly me.”

“I do. Believe it,” he clarified, gazing at her sharply. “Why are you asking?’

“I don’t know,” she lied, then smiled. “You’ve been gone for a while, but you must remember I’m random.”

He scoffed. “Is it random if it’s done with intent?”

“Is anything done without intent?” she fired back.

“I think so.”

She looked at him incredulously. “Without ANY intent? You really need to read Kant.”

She almost laughed at the skeptical expression on his face. “You’ve read Kant?”

“I read a lot now. I have for a long time, I just used to be stupid and embarrassed to admit it. I mean, after you turned me on to poetry-“

“You hated poetry.”

Buffy felt something akin to sadness flash through her quickly and she forced herself to ignore it, trying to forget how foolish she used to be before she admitted, “No. I loved it. If I could go back and do everything differently the only thing I’d change is that I would have admitted more to you- I was always so scared you wouldn’t like me that I said stupid, hurtful things and it was wrong. I loved the poetry. I still have that Browning book you gave me for my 18^th birthday-“

“Which poem is your favorite?” he asked disbelievingly and she smiled slowly.

“Are you testing me?” she asked, an amused challenge in her voice before she shrugged. “I’ve liked lots of her poems over the years, most of them at different times, but only one always seemed relevant…” She paused, struggling not to feel awkward as she began to recite, “Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand hence forward in thy shadow. Nevermore alone upon the threshold of my door of individual life, I shall command the uses of my soul, nor lift my hand serenely in the sunshine as before-“

”Without the sense of that which I forbore--- thy touch upon the palm,” Angel interrupted slowly and against her better judgment, almost against  her very will she stood and slowly walked to sit beside him on the cot he had chosen, as she continued softly,

“The widest land doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine with pulses that beat double. What I do and what I dream include thee, as the wine must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue-“ she whispered, voice trailing off as she was suddenly, intensely aware of his close proximity to her, the hand he had somehow placed on her thigh. “God for myself,” she murmured in a voice that did not sound like her own, more wanton and sensual than it had been in years as her head angled toward his and she gently placed a hand on Angel’s chest, leaning forward as she whispered, “He hears that name of thine, and sees within my eyes the tears of two-“

It was Angel who finally lost the thin thread of self-control pulsing between them, reaching his free hand tentatively up to caress her cheek and touching his lips to hers slowly.

This was not like their earlier kiss, but instead full of tenderness and memory as their eyes fluttered slowly shut and her hand came up to meet his, caressing it as his thumb slid carefully across her cheek and she slid her hand gently down his arm and along his back, moving her other hand across his chest  and wrapping her arms around his neck so she could pull herself into his lap, deepening the kiss.

He groaned as her tongue flicked outward and licked his lips, pulling her closer against his better judgment and running the hand that still grasped her thigh higher, rewarded when she let out a gasp of her own and threw back her head as he began to suck on her throat and she somehow angled her head so that she could gently nibble on his earlobe as he did so-

“We can’t” he gasped even as she threw her oversized sweater over her head, revealing a skimpy red camisole through which he could clearly see hardened nipples- and he groaned again as she ground down against him before touching her lips to his again, allowing her tongue to tangle violently with his for endless moments until they were both breathing heavily.

“We can’t,” he said again, all but shoving her to the floor as he pushed away from her with difficultly, feeling his erection straining uncomfortably against his pants as he stood and walked across the suddenly too small room with every bit of self control he possessed, sunned as she seemed undeterred by this, shimmying out of her blue jeans, revealing oh dear god, is that a red thong-

“See, this I what I don’t get,” she said breathlessly, laying back against the pillows and slipping a hand inside her panties, beginning to draw slow circles around her clitoris as he watched, mouth gaping. “250 years of sexual experience and it never occurred to you that maybe we could try mutual masturbation?”


---

It has been a tough week. Feedback would make it better :P

Old Chapters! http://momentofbored.livejournal.com/9087.html

Chapter 10

“I’m guessing they didn’t give you the whole thing and I’m not sure which part would have hurt you more, so I’m asking,” Buffy whispered, looking down at her tightly folded hands and subsequently missing the shocked and tortured expression that he couldn’t mask as he barked sharply, voice angrier than she had heard it since he was Angelus,

“Did he?”

“Did he what?” she asked in confusion, still unable to look up at him for a long moment, giving him a chance to wipe all emotion from his face. She gulped and looked up just as he assumed his mask of indifference, but apparently could still see something in his eyes as her face cleared instantly. “Oh. You mean did he stop- with me,” she said dully and slightly awkwardly before deciding, once again, to try to turn it into a joke as she scoffed, “Like he could have taken me if it came to that?”

She instantly regretted the words, however, as Angel was unable to mask his fury, jumping up and muttering something under his breath that sounded remarkably like “I’ll rip his fucking head off.”

“No!” she said sharply, against her better judgment deciding not to ignore his outburst. “There will be none of that! He stopped! I swear he did!” She stood, placing her hand on her hips and wishing she were 5 or 6 inches taller as she said in disbelief, “Were you not listening to the portion of the conversation earlier when I told you he was my daughter’s godfather? Believe it or not I wouldn’t have given that title to a rapist. I know you don’t have the highest opinion ever of me right now, but give me SOME credit!”

He muttered something else under his breath, this time too quietly for her to hear and she rolled he eyes. “I’m going to assume that was an apology,” she said and he looked at her incredulously before biting out,

“Why should I apologize to you?” though clenched teeth.

Her jaw dropped in disbelief before she took a menacing step toward him, eyes flashing as she snapped, “What, and I owe you one? I did the best I could!”

“By almost sleeping with my son?” he asked, clenching his fists as his voice rose. “I suppose I’m supposed to admire your fortitude because you decided not to fuck him just as he was taking your panties off- or were they already off?”

She gaped at him, momentarily too stunned to feel any hurt or anger whatsoever, thinking only of what she could say that would hurt him as much as he was trying to hurt her. “How DARE you say that to me?” she demanded with a brashness she did not feel and if he hadn’t been so beside himself, he couldn’t have missed the shaky quality of her voice. “And at least he didn’t use goddamned 18^th century words like fortitude,” she spit out. “I can tell you the truth now:  they aren’t exactly a turn on!” she snapped cruelly.

“Well I guess I understand now why you married Rupert,” he stated coldly and her eyes flashed once more as her hand flew upward. For one desperate moment he was sure she was going to hit him, but instead she yanked that hand in frustration though her hair as she snapped brutally,

“You leave him OUT of this!”

They stared one another down for a long moment, but ultimately Buffy was not able to remain silent, beginning to pace as she suddenly burst out with,

“Oh come on! REALLY, how stupid are you? First of all, what with your TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY years of life experience, I would have thought that just MAYBE you would have realized, in whatever portion of that night you saw, that I had been DRINKING.” She lowered her voice slightly, ceasing her pacing and blushing as she looked down at the floor and continued, “Not that it’s an excuse, but come ON. Did you see the part where I LAUGHED when Connor was pointing a crossbow at me? Did you see the part where I was tying for THREE HOURS to find that stupid, UGLY necklace you gave me and cried when I couldn’t? These are not the acts of a sober Buffy,” and despite everything he smiled slightly as she referred to herself in the third person before his brow furrowed.

“You thought the cross was ugly?” he asked in disbelief. “I spent seven months picking that out! It was from-

“Oh whatever,” she snapped, waving her hand dismissively. “I loved it because it was from you, is that what I’m supposed to say? I did! But I am TALKING here, do you MIND? Where was I…” she muttered, biting her lip in reflection before exclaiming triumphantly, “Oh!” as he stared at her in amazement. “FUTHERMORE,” she continued angrily, “What the hell is your problem? You were dead. I never really knew Connor in conjunction with you. I mean, granted he’s not the most attractive person, but he is one of the kindest- a little rough around the edges but he has a good heart- and anyway! EVEN HE could tell I was just doing what I did that night to prove some point having to do with you! It’s always you! And I HATE you for that!” she screamed, a sob escaping unexpectedly from her throat, and she took a deep and shaky breath before continuing, much more quietly, “I wanted SO BADLY for it to not be you, and then I was with him and I just- you wouldn’t go away.” She shook her head slowly in a kind of defeat before shrugging helplessly, eyes wide. “You never go away,” she whispered. “And I hate you for that.”

There was a long pause as she took a few deep breaths, chest heaving from the effort it was taking not to either burst into hysterical tears or attack him brutally, physically. He stared at her silently and his face was carefully blank, eyes carefully averted, making her want to scream in frustration. Anything for some kind of release- “Come on,” she whispered softly after an eternity. “We should go upstairs. I mean,” she cracked a halfhearted smile, “What good are secret passageways if you never get to use them, right?” She brushed past him toward the door, shivering as her hand inadvertently brushed his, hesitating for the merest sliver of a second as he also froze… and then somehow he had grabbed her arms and was holding her carefully away from him, forcing her to meet his eyes.

“I know,” he said, voice raw. “You never went away either. I hated you for it too. Only it was worse for me because it was my choice that you- I knew it was my fault that I didn’t have you.” He gulped. “You- understand.”

She nodded slowly, a single tear drifting down her cheek as she admitted, “I always did, even when I was pretending I didn’t. Even when I tried not to. It made it harder.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, not wholly sure what he was apologizing for, and she offered him a half smile, yanking herself out of his grasp.

 “It took me a long time,” she said slowly, as she turned away from him and he was glad she couldn’t see his mouth fall open in surprise at the fact that she was extending the conversation even as he rued the fact that she had turned away from him and he couldn’t see what she was thinking.

“What did?” he asked in confusion after a beat.

“To understand that you wanted it to end.” she said against her better judgment turning to face him, jutting her chin out. “You wanted to die that night.”

He was confused for a moment and only a moment at the seemingly abrupt change of subject,

”Buffy-“ he began slowly, wanting to explain,  but she rushed onward quickly as though scared he might forcibly stop her, twirling a piece of hair around he finger nervously as she did so.

“I was so hurt that you didn’t call me. I- I wanted to die.” At his gesture of protest, she continued, more strongly, “No- I did. I really did. I won’t lie about it now. But then I realized that you just- you wanted it to be over,” She said, eyes filling with tears. “And as much as I could hate you for other things, I couldn’t hate you for that. And then it got harder to hate you for anything else, either-”

“I never-“ he tried to begin as she held up a hand.

“I know. Honest, Angel,” she said quickly, reaching out a hand to him and pulling it back with extreme force of will, “I understand. I wish for the end every day, and it’s not anyone’s fault. I love my children. I loved Rupert. But for so long it’s just been so bad and I just- I don’t want to keep doing it anymore. I understand everything you ever did because I do it too. I just don’t have the courage to follow it to its logical conclusion like you did-”

“Don’t say that,” he snapped at once, then forced himself to soften his voice, adding firmly, “I didn’t mean to die,” as she arched an eyebrow and offered him half of a very sad smile.

“No, but you know you would. And I’m just selfish- all I could think afterward was ‘what about me?’ I never- I couldn’t realize- couldn’t accept that maybe- for you- it was just- time, I don’t know- I mean, I think I do know,” she stuttered. “and I want you to know that- I’m selfishly glad you’re back now, but- I understand that you’re not happy about any of it, I wasn’t, after- after I… came back, and I just- I’m sorry I haven’t exactly been making it easier for you-“ she let out a half-laugh, “or even tying to-“

He sighed, not unkindly, holding up a hand. “Is there- a point?”

“I- my point was just- I forgive you,” she said in a rush, biting her lip nervously. “For all of it. Not because you need my forgiveness, because you really don’t, but because-“ she frowned slightly and he hated that she knew him so well even now as she whispered “I think you think you need it. And I want you to know you’ve always had it and- and I want you to know that-“ she blushed, forcing herself to continue, “I mean, if you ever actually want to do the talking thing instead of the stoic silence thing- I’m here.”

He swallowed with difficulty. “Thank you.”

“Were you,” she ventured softly, taking a deep breath, and he cold practically hear the conflict inside her head as she tried not to push it too far before finishing quietly, “When you were- gone. Was it like- heaven?”

“Yeah,” he replied after a long moment, suddenly intensely taking an intense interest in the floor, unable to look at her. “I think it was.”

Almost without realizing she was dong so she stepped closer to him. “What was it like for you?” she inquired curiosity alive in her eyes even as she kept her voice carefully neutral.

He shook his head. “It all seems like a dream now, even though it wasn’t long ago- I can barely-“ he shook his head. “What was it like for you when you-“

She smiled wanly, taking another step toward him. “Lots of sunshine.”

His eyes snapped up, meeting hers sharply. “For you too?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Different people were there, sometimes… I’d see Giles once and a while, my mom… Willow.” She paused, gathering courage. “You were there.”

He lowered his eyes again before forcing them up to meet hers. “You were in mine, too,” he admitted hoarsely.

Her eyes locked firmly with his and she wondered how far she dared go. “No. I mean- yes but… you weren’t just there. You were-“ and to her amazement she blushed again, “kind of the main player.”

He looked slightly bemused and for a split second she thought he was going to reach out and pat her head or something equally humiliating; but to her surprise he just said hoarsely, “I knew what you meant. You were-the main player- in mine too.”

Her mouth formed an exquisite ‘o’ but she couldn’t think of what to say that wouldn’t sound unbelievably trite, unbelievably wrong- and so she did the only thing she could, forced a  wicked smile and asked casually, “Cool. So- was there sex?”

--

Feedback is adored, I truly do love all of you who leave it! And I promise the next chapter is going to be FUN! (take that as you will ;) )

Title: Beautiful Accident
Rating: PG so far, will increase eventually
Set after the series finale of Angel. Will mostly but not entirely follow cannon... please just enjoy :) I obviously own none of the characters etc etc... and comments are treasured, especially since this is my first fic ever... so constructive criticism = of the good :P